Below is the journal my mother wrote in October 2015, when I first went to the US to study. Her words capture the mix of emotions, challenges, and growth we both experienced during that time.
“Mom, I want to study abroad. Do you have the money to send me?”
“No,” I replied immediately, without hesitation. My daughter said nothing more. She kept burying herself in her English textbook. After a moment of silence, I added, “If you get a scholarship that covers part of it, I can manage the rest.”
From that day on, my daughter didn’t bring it up again.
I silently thanked her for understanding the financial burden I carried as a single mother who was raising two children on a meager salary and scant writing royalties. Little did I know, my daughter was still nurturing her dream of studying abroad.
The Opportunity
It wasn’t until later that I learned about the serendipitous turn of events in November 2014. At that time, Trần Tuấn An (An Tran), a young, talented classical guitarist, had already garnered numerous music awards in the United States and was pursuing a master’s degree in music at Yale University. He convinced two of his former professors, Julie Goldberg and Tom Zelle, to come to Vietnam on behalf of North Park University to impart their knowledge and scout for talent at the Vietnam National Academy of Music and the Ho Chi Minh City Conservatory of Music.
During his performance tour in Vietnam in 2013, An Tran observed that while local learning conditions were limited, many young people displayed exceptional talent but lacked opportunities to access musical education abroad. This realization led him to hold auditions to select outstanding young students to receive music scholarships from North Park University.
A Note of Gratitude
After spotting the North Park University audition announcement in a humble corner of the Ho Chi Minh City Conservatory of Music, my daughter decided to participate. To her surprise, she was chosen. In a short span of time, she was swamped with paperwork and preparations for studying abroad, taking tests like the IELTS and SAT and fulfilling other requirements. Before leaving for America, she penned a heartfelt note of gratitude to her teachers and friends:
Studying abroad was a surprising decision for me. The opportunity suddenly came, and I seized it and took off. I didn’t have any thorough strategies like some of my friends who had been prepared for years. The surprise and rush kept me spinning like a top for months. Today, with a moment of calm, I want to slow down and think about those I need to thank.
First, I thank my parents and extended family, who always encouraged and supported me both materially and spiritually. My family is my rock, helping me overcome every difficulty and providing the place where I feel most at peace, no matter how far I fly.
I am grateful to my teachers. I still remember one kindergarten teacher who quickly recognized my solitaryand stubborn nature and intervened to help me become a well-adjusted child. A lot of teachers from primary to high schools had taught me invaluable lessons and always encouraged and praised me. I am also immensely thankful to the teachers at the Ho Chi Minh City Conservatory of Music for giving me the knowledge and skills that led to my success today.
I want to thank the wonderful friends I’ve had throughout my journey. Many of you I have lost contact with, and it seemed like we had drifted apart, but you all remain an irreplaceable part of my beautiful childhood memories. Some childhood friends still remember me and are upset that I only now share the news of my studying abroad. I did not want to announce it when I was still uncertain about this decision. There are friends with whom I built something meaningful over a long period, and although our paths no longer align, I sincerely thank you for the great experiences I learned from you. I am also grateful to the friends who have and will continue to embark on new endeavors with me.
This short note is insufficient to name everyone to whom I owe gratitude. Everyone born into this world carries countless debts to repay. What I can do now is enjoy the happiness with those by my side and ask the clouds to send blessings to those who cannot be with me on the next parts of my journey.
Coming of Age
The day I saw my daughter off at the airport was the day I realized she was truly stepping into the world, like a young bird leaving the nest. The world is vast and full of things to discover, along with storms that her fragile wings might not yet withstand. My heart ached as I watched her navigate the complicated departure procedures. She looked so small and vulnerable. Then she called me in distress; her I-20 form (Certificate of Eligibility for Nonimmigrant Student Status) had the wrong birthdate. I felt a sharp pang of helplessness. Now, she had to handle this problem on her own. She called the school, but it was nighttime in Vietnam and Sunday morning in the U.S. The admissions officer did not answer.
I called her back, “If you can’t go, just come home.” I was ready to call a taxi to bring her back. I would rather change the flight and wait for the corrected I-20 form. At 11 o’clock, she suddenly exclaimed, “I got through to the school. Mr. G. said he could send me the corrected I-20 within 30 minutes!” The airport staff were flexible as they allowed my daughter to proceed with luggage check-in. Each moment felt like an eternity. I had never wished so fervently for the clock to slow down. At 11:40, just before the plane was set to depart, she called, “Mom, the school sent the email!” She rushed to print the I-20. As the customs officer meticulously examined her paperwork, my heart burned with anxiety. She was the last passenger to board the plane, rushing off without a wave of goodbye.
Being Apart is the Hardest
After she left, I upgraded my phone so I could use apps like Facebook Messenger and Zalo to make free calls. Every day, I talked to her. I knew my advice couldn’t help her much because, halfway around the world, she had to walk on her own two feet and make her own decisions. I worried about everything: the language barrier, cultural clashes, the cold, her getting sick from the jet lag and weather changes. She reassured me, “I’m doing well here. Don’t worry. I’m getting good grades, though the workload is heavy.”
I scolded her, “You must be struggling but hiding it from me, right?”
She responded, “I know you want the best for me and worry a lot. But each generation has its own challenges. Your experiences, though valuable, are only a reference because you’re not in my situation. To you, I always seem naive, so to show you I’m growing up, I think it’s best not to tell you about the struggles I can handle.”
I replied, “Being apart from you is the hardest thing for me. But for your future, I managed it, just like your grandmother did for me, allowing me to grow as I have today.” I felt my eyes well up with tears…